The Worst 4 Words in the English Language

I think you could ask pretty much anyone over the age of about 10 or so what are the best words in the English language & they'd pretty much agree on those. (Well, except for a former dance partner of mine who postulated that the answer is gender specific. He said that for women, it's "I love you" but for guys it'd be "you're the best", but that's a comedy routine for another day.) But, I'm not sure there'd be consensus on the worst.

For me, there's no doubt: the worst 4 words in the English language are "Are you sitting down?"

2 years ago today, I heard those words and in an instant, my world changed. My significant other had had a cough that he hadn't been able to shake. There was the standard "winter crud" going around, so at first he thought nothing of it. But then it didn't go away, and then he started getting winded when he was working out. Anyone who knows him, knows that that's not normal for him -- I was the one with severe anemia at the time, so I was used to that happening, but not him.

At first, it was dismissed as being pneumonia, but he didn't buy it. He's an M.D., so he was able to press his case & get them to look further. They ordered an MRI just to appease him. It was a good thing they did because it turned out he had a baseball-sized tumor....at the time, they thought it was in the lung, which would have been VERY bad news. Luckily, it wasn't lung cancer, but lymphoma, sitting on top of the lung/between the lung and the chest wall. It had been compressing the lung, which is why he had had trouble breathing.

It took almost 3 weeks to get the diagnosis. Those were some of the longest days I've ever experienced -- I was lucky to get 1.5-2 hrs of sleep a night and the stress definitely took a toll; I started going to the gym in order to physically exhaust myself, hoping that that would force my body to sleep at least a bit more. In many ways, the uncertainty and the not-knowing were the most difficult part; at least once we knew what he was dealing with, we knew what treatment protocol should be followed and more importantly, he could get started with that treatment. Patience has never been my strong suit & it was tough to have to sit around, waiting, not being able to do anything & not being able to do anything to hurry it along.

Unfortunately, we are back in that same uncertainty. He had another PET scan a few weeks ago & it wasn't clear. He has 2 small spots that showed up. The good news is they aren't lighting up (which would indicate definite cancerous activity). The bad news is they are there. They could possibly be the tumor returning, but not yet reaching the threshold to be detected by the scan. Or, the better option is that it could be indication of tissue damage from the intense chemo & radiation treatment. (Who would have ever thought we'd be wishing for tissue damage!) We won't know anything until the next PET scan in 3 or 4 months. All we can do is wait & hope... No one ever tells you that might be a possibility -- it should be like being 'a little bit pregnant', y'know: either you have a tumor or you don't. This uncertainty totally sucks!!

If anyone out there reading this can light a candle, send a prayer, or otherwise keep a good thought for the next PET scan to be clean and for him to continue being cancer-free, we would both greatly appreciate it.